New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
