I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
