yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
