I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
