I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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