dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
