I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
