I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
