I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize