home. puking in laundry basket.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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