Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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