she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
