Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
