dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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