me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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