I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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