if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
