is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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