Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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