so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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