i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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