3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The best revenge is premature balding
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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