Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
one might say we're banned from that church
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
