we have pet lesbian snakes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
