sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
