I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
