My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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