I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
