I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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