my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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