my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
