You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
