last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
