Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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