I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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