Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
