On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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