she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
