Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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