Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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