Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's blow job season.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
