Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
