I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize