he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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