I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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