bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
