Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I touched a dick in church today
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
