just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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