I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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