Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
