Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize