kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
