Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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