Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
