based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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