I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
