I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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