Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Randomize
