I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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